Need some advice...

So I thought I'd right a quick update and get everyone's opinions on some choices I need to make. First of all Tucker is doing really well. He's now 11 pounds, and becoming more and more active and alert, he smiles now at us...it's wonderful! He's been doing so well that they started letting us give him bottles, he gets two a day and can only take up to 20 mLs, which isn't even a full ounce, but hey you gotta start somewhere!! We've had some hard news, his head wasn't really growing and they were concerned so they decided to do a head ultrasound and found that the ventricles in his brain are enlarged, indicating that his brain is either atrophied or isn't growing properly, but they don't know why. They won't be able to tell until they do an MRI, but they need to wait until he's stronger because they'll have to sedate him to do it. Even with the MRI they might not know why this is happening, and they can't say for sure what kind of problems it will cause or if it will resolve itself. It's another long game of wait and see...but the good news is, he hasn't missed any milestones, and he's got great muscle tone which is awesome! It's just one of those things that is always in the back of your head and you can't shake it off. No matter what happens he's a wonderful beautiful baby, and I'm so blessed to have him, nothing could change how much we love him. He's perfect in our eyes...our own true miracle! He's now on high flow all the time, except for six hours when he's on CPAP but that's a HUGE accomplishment. I have new pictures I'll be putting up soon...he's gotten so big that those of you who have seen him would swear he's a different baby!

Now for the choices I have to make that I need some help with. Some of you know that I was supposed to start at St Mary's this January, but of course with everything going on with Tucker I wasn't able to finish what I needed to to start. Now looking back, I'm not sure if teaching is what I really want to do. Being in the NICU has given me a totally different outlook, and I'm wondering if maybe nursing would be something I could do, or even a respiratory therapist, and again maybe social work. I've been debating these three different possibilities, and I just don't know. No one seems to think that I'd be able to handle being a nurse or an RT, and I don't know maybe I couldn't...but being around babies who need help, it makes me want to learn to help them. I'm a little squeamish so I'd have to get over that in a hurry, but the thought of being able to help give a family hope or comfort or whatever makes me really happy. And to be able to really help them because I know where they're coming from makes me think I can handle it. Now I'm rambling...but I had to put this down before it drove me mad, I'm opening myself up for opinions...please share what you think with me, I welcome all the advice I can get!!! Thank you again to everyone who is following and sharing in our story...we love you!!