Another update on our little one...

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update everyone but the last few days have been up and down. Sunday night Tucker had a bad night and by Monday morning they did an x-ray which showed that the high frequency ventilator he was on was really irritating and scarring his lungs...which freaked me out of course. The doctor said this is expected with preemies, especially ones as little as he is. So they moved him onto a jet ventilator, which is much gentler on his lungs, with the same amount if not a little less pressure to keep them open. The upper lobe of his right lung had collapsed a little bit and when they put him on his back, it helped to open it up and keep it open. We're really happy about that!! Because he's on the jet now they can't move him back to John Muir, they don't have this kind of machine there, and he's not stable enough to be moved. They're guessing he'll be at Children's for at least a month if not longer. A little sad about that. He's not tolerating being touched as well...but they encourage us to let him find our hands, because even though it does make his oxygen saturation drop a little bit, he needs to have some stimulation, I'm guessing this will help the development of his nervous system? Or at least let him know he's not alone. I don't know why but I love touching his little feet so it makes me very happy. They didn't know why he was having such a bad night on Sunday, they were worried he had a bacterial infection (we're still waiting for word on that) or that he needed another transfusion. His hemoglobin must have been low because they gave him the transfusion and he's been doing much better since. He had a good night last night and a good day today. They've been feeding him through the tube that is in his throat that goes to his stomach and they started him out at 1 cc every 6 hours, and today they bumped it up to 2 cc every 3 hours because he's been doing so well with it. He had a bowel movement which is gross I know sorry, but very exciting because it means his little organs are handling the feedings really well!!

I'm ashamed to admit it but I haven't been holding up as well as I think I should. It kills me to not be able to hold him and it scares me to think that he doesn't know I'm his Mommy. He's started to try to cry, and you can tell by the look on his face that he would be crying if not for the tubes in his throat. That, I think is the hardest thing, because as a Mommy you just want to hold your baby and comfort them when they cry, and not being able to kills me. Touching him lately has made his oxygen saturation drop just because his nervous system is so premature that it's literally the same as someone coming out of nowhere and grabbing you. It's hard to just sit there and look at him, it kills me and I know I have to be strong for him but honestly sometimes I just want to break down and cry, and I do. My OB wasn't surprised when I was telling him all of this, I guess it's something that happens with a lot of mom's who's little ones are in the NICU...it's something I'm dealing with and I know it'll get better and worse...and I'm hoping that by posting it maybe I'll be able to help someone else out there. And sometimes it's just nice to get it all out of your system. I'm trying my hardest to be strong but I don't want everyone to think I'm not struggling...I am, I'm human and this happens. I want to say again to everyone who is following along with everything that we're going through thank you. Your support is what helps keep me going...it's wonderful to have friends as supportive and caring as all of you...I will never be able to show all of my gratitude. You are wonderful and I thank you all so much. I'll try to stay on top of updating everyone.

Little Guy...

On Thursday they moved Tucker from John Muir to Children's Hospital Oakland to surgically put a pick line in. He got there around 3pm and around 5pm they started the procedure...everything seemed to go well and the surgeon was pretty confident that the line was where she wanted it and working well. They did an x-ray to double check and to her amazement the line went into his artery instead of his vein, which she told us she had NEVER seen happen...which is something you never want to hear coming from the surgeon! She decided to pull the line (it was in his leg) and that they would try again on Friday. She had done the line at his bedside because normally it's a very easy procedure and generally goes smoothly and there are hardly ever any problems. So yesterday, they scheduled the surgery and actually took him to the operating room to perform it, the surgeon had said it would be better in the operating room because she could get real time x-rays to check the placement of the tube as she was doing the procedure, to make sure it was going EXACTLY where she wanted it. Of course I was a nervous wreck because by moving him to the operating room they would have to put him on a regular ventilator, the high frequency ventilator can't be moved with him and they don't have one in the operating room. The regular ventilator is just a little harder on his lungs and can cause problems of its own which is why I was soo worried. Luckily he did amazing and just flew through the surgery, the line was placed perfectly and the surgeon couldn't have been happier. When he came out of surgery his nurse Andrea, who was amazing I absolutely loved her, said I should change his diaper for the first time!! How scary!!! He's sooo tiny I was so afraid to do it...but I did and I felt so much more like a Mommy!! I have to say I was not the first to change his diaper...on Thursday while I was away from his bed Danny did his first duty as Daddy and changed his diaper!! I was so proud of him...Andrea said he wasn't even shaky or nervous at all...completely confident and no problems at all!!! Most Dad's are nervous with term babies so the fact that he was so confident just reminds me of why he's so wonderful...honestly I've never seen a man so dedicated to his son...he's amazing...between Danny and my Dad I see why Tucker is such a strong little boy!! After the surgery today though Tucker gave us a little scare...when they moved him to the conventional ventilator it allowed his lungs to collapse down a little bit since there wasn't as much pressure as there is with the high frequency ventilator. So when that happened they had to bump the oxygen level up to 100% which he's never been on, and still his saturation was not good and his carbon dioxide was really really high. Eventually though they gave him some Morphine (which took away the horrible pain I'm sure he was feeling from his surgery) and increased the pressure on his ventilator and he started coming out of it. His saturation went up, carbon dioxide went down and so did his heart rate which was really high. When I left at about 7:30 he was doing much better and I felt a LOT better!! I just talked to the nurse and she said that he's doing really well...that he had had a really traumatic day but he was a tough little boy and he's continuing to look better. Which I know he is, but it's hard when I can't be with him all the time. Luckily I have a wonderful husband and family who stay with me at the hospital for as long as I want...my Daddy is awesome, he came and touched Tucker for the first time which I think was a great feeling for him. My Mom has been great, she was so supportive this whole weekend and has been taking care of me and forcing me to slow down a little bit. I know I've been pushing myself a little too hard but I can't help it because there is nothing that will keep me from seeing that baby!!!

I have a favor to ask anyone out there who is willing...Tucker's blood type is O-, and Danny is A- and I'm A+ (he just happened to get the recessive blood type that we both carry) so obviously we can't donate to him. He's going to need a lot of transfusions and it's not that I don't trust the blood bank but I would much rather KNOW who his blood is coming from. Is there anyone out there who is O- who would be willing to donate for the little guy? If you are let me know please, and I'll tell you what you need to do. I'll pay the fee that they charge, it's the least I can do. I wouldn't normally ask this but like I said, I would really like to know who the blood is coming from that they're putting into my baby. I would also like to encourage everyone to go donate blood if you're able...being at Children's I've seen how many little ones need blood transfusions, and it's heart breaking it really is. Please think of them the next time there's a blood drive in your area and take the time (if you can) to donate. You never know who's life your saving!!! Thank you everyone who's been following along with our story and sharing in this with us...I know I say this a lot but we are soo blessed to have you all as friends!!! They're hoping by Monday Tucker will be stable enough for transfer back to John Muir, so say a prayer that he'll be strong enough to make the trip back!!! We're so proud of our son...he's such an amazing little boy, he's defied every odd and proved all of the doctors wrong!! We could not be happier! Thank you again for all your love and support...I have more pictures coming soon!!!

I have a favor for everyone...

I've asked a lot of everyone for us...but I have a favor to ask of everyone on behalf of two of my best friends. My best friends Susie and Annette have had major traumatic events happen this past week on top of everything that they've been so devoted to going through with us. The night before Tucker was born, Susie's brother in law Donny, her husband Kenny's brother passed away...I want to ask you to pray for Donny and for Susie and Kenny and Kenny's parents. They have been so wonderful and supportive of us and I couldn't ask for better friends ever, she's like my sister and I love her dearly. She has stood by me through thick and thin and all I can ask is you keep her and her family in your prayers for strength and comfort through this difficult time. I know God is with her, and she knows that as well but I would really appreciate it if everyone would take some time to think of her. Annette who I love just as much as Susie and I consider to be my sister as well also had a major event...her really really close friend Anthony was skate boarding in Santa Monica last weekend and fell and hit the front of his head very hard and sustained a really bad head injury. He was taken to UCLA Medical Center and he's been there in the ICU ever since. He is a wonderful person and so is his father, and I would really appreciate it if you would include Anthony, his father Sam and Annette in your prayers. He is in critical condition and it's been very touch and go since the accident, and I've been praying that God will give him the strength to pull through this. It's going to be a long road for all three of them, and I ask you to please remember them in your prayers...you have all been so wonderful for us, and they are like family to me...I appreciate any thoughts or prayers you can send their way!! We love both Susie and Annette, like I said they are wonderful, wonderful friends, their devotion to our family and the love they've showed me through the years is amazing...I couldn't ask for better friends...they are always there when I need someone to lean on. Please help them with your prayers...it would mean a lot from our family to theirs. Thank you guys so much...we're so grateful everyone has been so wonderful with their thoughts, prayers and support we appreciate it more than we can say or you'll ever know! We love you all...thank you again, With your support we will all make it through these difficult times!!

All our love,
Audra, Danny and Tucker

Tucker Update!!

I first want to say how much everyone's support has meant to all of us, not just Danny and I but to my family as well. You guys have been wonderful and we will never forget the kindness and compassion you've shown our family, we are very blessed not only to have Tucker but to have such wonderful friends and family such as you!! As of tonight Tucker is doing really well...he's surprised all of the doctors and nurses not just in the NICU but also in labor and delivery! They are having a hard time getting a perk line, because his veins are just so small...but they do have a good site for an IV. The perk like is the best because they can keep it in him for a month or more where as IVs they have to change every few days and try to find veins all the time that will work. With the perk line also they can draw blood from it so they don't have to keep sticking him, which I like just cuz I hate to think of them having to do it all the time! He's been able to keep his heart rate and blood pressure stable without the aide of drugs...which is amazing!!! This could change and go up and down at any time, but the fact he's been able to do it for this long is just great. When they delivered him it only took them like three or four minutes to get him breathing and his heart rate going which is amazing also it usually takes a LOT longer! He's on a high frequency ventilator which pumps the air in a lot faster...it looks like it's kinda shaking him, and they've actually lowered the oxygen saturation down to 23% and that's wonderful, they think they'll have him on the regular ventilator by tomorrow (big maybe) or Tuesday. When he gets on the regular ventilator and he is stable (heart rate, blood pressure, temperature) we'll be able to hold him!! Which we're so excited about!

This little boy is a true gift from God, he is our miracle and we couldn't be more proud of how well he's doing. This little boy has shown me what true strength is, and I am so blessed I am his Mommy!!! Danny and I are completely addicted to him and we just can't get enough!! Thank you again everyone for caring so much about our little family...it means more than you will ever know and I have no idea how to thank you all and show you how much you mean to us. Tucker is such a lucky little boy to have so many people who want to know how he's doing and care about him as much as everyone does. Thank you again we are the luckiest family!! Thank you so much everyone...we're praying Tucker will stay strong and keep fighting as hard as he has been...he's amazed everyone including us and we just hope he'll keep proving them all wrong!!!

Our love,
Audra, Danny and Tucker